This is where I’ve landed. The past six months have proved to me that it is hard to stay healthy–and I mean hard. Having my foot in a cast for 11 weeks was bad for motivation, but if I’m being honest, that isn’t what has stopped me from working out and eating healthy.
A general feeling of “why bother?” had set in in March. After finishing up Whole 30, I went whole ham on all food. There wasn’t a doughnut I didn’t eat, and I was 100% fine with that (and still am). I stopped working out consistently, and eventually stopped altogether. The last thing I wanted to do was wake up early like I had been before. I wasn’t seeing results, and to get the results I wanted, I wasn’t able to do the things I enjoy (eating everything I see and smell).
After not working out since March, in late May, I worked out for the first time. This is it, I told myself. No more lazing around, only good habits from here on out. Unsurprisingly, I was wrong, but a big reason I was wrong was that my foot was broken. That workout made me realize that I should go to the doctor about the foot pain I’d had for the past several weeks.
Turns out, I was walking around with a sesamoid bone that was broken in half. Cool, cool.
After being out of my cast for two months, I can tell you, having the cast on was more a good excuse than the actual thing in my way. I still don’t feel very motivated to get out of bed early in the morning. Working out is still a tedious chore. I still see no reason to stop eating everything I come across. I’m not happy with my body, and haven’t been, but that’s not motivating me to make the changes I know I need to make to change my appearance.
I find myself wondering at what point I’ll hit my limit of dissatisfaction with how I look in order to make changes, but I’m not sure I will ever. I’m struggling to find motivation. It’s real, I don’t know the solution, but I don’t think I’m alone in this. At some point, most people want to change their body but aren’t willing to make the sacrifices necessary. I’ve done the math, and right now, I’d rather be unhappy with my body than stop eating a lot and/or working out more.
Now, I need to figure out what will motivate me and what brings me joy. Quite a tall order, but I think it’s worth it. When I was working out a lot, I had more energy and I felt better about myself. I felt better about what I saw in the mirror, but I felt better about myself as a person too. I’d like to get back there, but it is hard.